Midterms To Decide Which Party Explains Why Nothing Is Their Fault
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Political analysts confirmed Thursday that the 2026 midterm elections will decide which party earns the sacred constitutional privilege of spending the next two years explaining why every national problem is actually the other party’s fault.
Voters will choose between Democrats, who insist they could fix everything if Republicans would stop existing, and Republicans, who promise to repair the country immediately after Democrats stop preventing them from doing all the things they already had opportunities to do.
“This election is about accountability,” said one campaign strategist. “Specifically, determining who will be accountable for explaining why they are not accountable.”
Among the issues expected to dominate the campaign are inflation, housing costs, immigration, healthcare, the national debt, foreign wars, entitlement spending, and the increasingly widespread suspicion that nobody in Washington actually knows how any of this works.
Both parties have unveiled ambitious governing agendas centered on televised hearings, angry fundraising emails, blaming unelected bureaucrats, and posting screenshots of the other side’s dumbest member on social media.
Congressional leaders promised that, regardless of the outcome, bipartisan cooperation would remain possible on the issues that truly unite Americans, including increasing the debt ceiling, expanding surveillance powers, approving emergency spending packages, and making sure nobody important ever experiences consequences.
At press time, 81% of voters said the country was headed in the wrong direction, while both parties celebrated the finding as devastating news for the other side.
